normal kathryn

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a twenty-five year-old english major living in atlanta who is in love with language, peppermints, and ben.

and as my counselor assures me, i'm positively normal.

vvant:

let’s play a game called “are you staring at me because im hot or ugly”

(via karinaesmia)

— 1 hour ago with 472960 notes
on tuesday

by day i pick up a child from aquarium camp, play five rounds of uno, and bake salmon that i don’t get to eat.

but by night i have a damn beautiful catch up sesh with the lovely logan baker and attempt to belt “lovefool” at southern comfort so that sheena will sing.

this tuesday ruled.

lovingly,
normal kathryn

— 1 hour ago
#my writing  #txtp  #nanny life 

awritersruminations:

Let’s face it. We’re undone by each other. And if we’re not, we’re missing something.

—Judith Butler, Precarious Life: The Powers of Mourning and Violence

(via msfrannyglass)

— 2 hours ago with 393 notes
#quote 
on a back porch party

in july
beneath the crabapple tree
with an icy tub of beer
and three glasses of white wine for yours truly
and a cheese platter
and peach pie
and genuinely amused laughs
and quality conversation in every pairing
and a possom in the trash can,

happiest of birthdays to mr. justin aiello.

lovingly,
normal kathryn

— 1 day ago with 1 note
#my writing  #summer fun  #txtp 
on a turned around day

i woke up feeling funny, and by funny i do mean with anxiety. it’s a rare occurrence but sometimes this happens. maybe you know the one- when your body only woke you up to pee but now that you’re awake an hour or two early (and still very tired, mind you) everything you’ve been meaning to cross of your to-do list, meaning to put on your to-do list, meaning to think about, meaning to figure out, meaning to etcetera etcetera decides to come rushing in like a tornado of icky hollow tossing+turning sweat on your forehead. there’s definitely no chance of falling back asleep but you lay there with your eyes closed anyways, your mind racing.

i hate the morning anxiety.

today the fact that it was a sunday made the matter a little more complicated. ever since i declared a big “i just don’t know” on the faith stuff and have thusly taken a break from attending church services, most sundays come and go with a warm nod towards my newfound agency and happy feelings about spending my day how ever i wish, and that’s that. sometimes, though, it’s different. sometimes sunday mornings are a really opportune time for me to have a large-feeling freak out about my lack of sureness about anything of a spiritual nature. this sunday in particular i found myself up early and internally slightly panicked while i lay there, refusing to make the trek to the bathroom. i was searching my brain for answers-

i mean, i’m totally not sure that the truth of the universe is definitively not found in christianity, just as i’m totally not sure that it is. where does that leave me? what if there is, after all, a hell? oh god. surely i am headed there, me and my hardened, doubting heart. *cue the supporting bible verses that run through my mind.* i don’t want to be apart from ben forever. *cue immense amounts of sadness while i picture ben happy in a bright place and me sizzling to my thousandth death in a dark one.* but maybe it’s all made up. or maybe the whole thing’s just supposed to be an elaborate metaphor for something that isn’t really going to happen. or what if this fear is all in my head? what if i only have to feel scared and guilty so long as i believe in a hell and a god who decided that that had to be part of the scenario? and by the way, when did i start believing in this narrative again? ugh, i really don’t believe in this. i don’t want to believe in this. but if i’m wrong then doesn’t this very thought confirm the fact that i’m precisely the kind of person who’s destined for hell?…

well.

welcome to my brain on spiritual anxiety.

the above is a picture of a fraction of the thoughts that were running circles around my head. for the record, i didn’t figure anything out one way or another. the tossing+turning panics are not the time when things gets figured out- only freaked out about. i did eventually pee, though, and i did eventually decide i needed to put some music on while i got ready for work. i was too much in my head so i thought it’d be healthy to get lost in some rhythm and melody. the next thing i knew i couldn’t help myself- i was dancing around the kitchen, pushing all the troubles out of my body with each move until after a point i became a jumping bean, laughing relieved at how easy life can be.

and just like that, thus began my turned around day.

lovingly,
normal kathryn

— 2 days ago with 5 notes
#my writing  #txtp  #spilled ink  #anxiety  #religion  #faith  #doubt  #atheism  #agnosticism  #christianity  #spirituality  #anxious 
on special times in life

tonight i write to you from the shoulder of an extremely busy highway. cars and trucks are pushing past at what feels like light speed to my shivering car. it is nearing midnight, ben is two hours away, and i have a blown tire.

oh, the special times in life.

lovingly,
normal kathryn

— 3 days ago with 2 notes
#my writing  #sometimes life sucks  #txtp 
on being phoneless

i like it so much.

but even though i don’t use my phone for much more than mostly basic functions like calls, texts, maps, safari, spotify, and snapchat, adjusting to temporarily not having one hasn’t been easy- i’ve reached for it many-a-time. it kind of feels like a phantom limb. i’m so used to checking my phone during breaks at work, listening to spotify while i’m driving, texting friends throughout the day, and calling ben in between being places. i haven’t been able to do any of that.

excepting the it’s-hard-to-stay-in-touch-with-my-husband’s-whereabouts thing, though, i’ve felt really free. i’ve felt very 90s. :-)

i’ve been thinking that if we lived in a society where we had to go home to our landline or a pay phone in order to be in touch with someone who’s someplace else, in general the population would take a lot more stock in the present moment and our workplaces/homes/fellow humans/neighborhoods/cities/and perhaps even our society at large. with personal phones we’re able to have our minds in a hundred places other than our current, physical location. i understand that most people in this country regard technology as so fantastic because you can technically be where you are while also being “connected” to others all over, but i’m just not convinced it’s as fantastic as we think. are we, with our smart phones anywhere nearby, capable of ever being fully present with those around us (and what’s around us)? to me at least, connectedness foundationally depends upon undivided attention. don’t smart phones breed the antithesis? i don’t know. thoughts?

lovingly,
normal kathryn

— 4 days ago with 2 notes
#my writing  #thoughts  #txtp  #media  #technology  #iphone  #liiiife 
on my best husband

a lot of tears happened today. injustice just gets to me. my husband, though, is the best person in the world as far as i am concerned. he knew exactly what to do with me.

after my aggravating conversation with our slumlord (he won’t reimburse us at all for all the cleaning we did to get the duplex to a merely livable level of cleanliness), i stomped down the hall to ben, speechless. i tried chucking my phone at a chair but instead it went straight from hand to hardwood floor. excusing myself, “i need a minute, ben, i’ll be right back,” i threw myself into pillows to scream-cry my frustrations, which was before i knew what fate had actually befallen my phone. my screen was fuzz. my phone was done. and unless some miracle of decency knocks our slumlord over the head we just handled trash piles and cobwebs and rats nests and rotting phone books for free.

i was all-around furious.

ben wanted to help me out of my furious fixation on the injustice, so he tried offering me bacon to cheer me up. i declined. i was too mad for bacon. he tried again, this time urging me to go on a “grief walk” (he’s so precious) with him, and after falling out of bed dramatically like a wet noodle i complied. we walked around the block and vented our frustrations. i told him my plan to write a mean blurb on every month’s rent check. we discussed an actual plan of action that might help us get some money back. mostly he listened to me, let me be mad, empathized, and took of his t-shirt to cover me when out of nowhere the rain poured down in sheets. he’s such a babe hero. back at home it gets even better because he insisted on making me a delicious sandwich for lunch, and packed another delicious sandwich for me to bring to work. gah. ben’s so good at loving me when i’m distraught. his tenderness was everything i needed to start evening out again.

i’m the luckiest girl and i want to offer up one hundred cheers for my best husband.

lovingly,
normal kathryn

— 5 days ago with 2 notes
#my writing  #marriage  #love  #frustration  #txtp  #story 
"Don’t live the same year 75 times and call it a life."
Robin Sharma (via pureblyss)

(via msfrannyglass)

— 5 days ago with 116842 notes
#important  #good words  #quote